Gelei·Ma Ding Lin at the age of 14, his parents divorced. His mother\'s middle and West of the Surrey Institute was a radio program producer. I would like to talk about this story, because this is the Surrey Institute told me, touches a lot to me.
No matter where we live in, how many children are there, whether it is a single mother married mother, step-parents are foster parents, have a common wish: give children a happy loving home. In fact, we have a similar dream. Every night our family sat at the table talking and laughing, they are very happy. Children look forward to long hikes over the weekend. Night when chatting, children sat around the parent side with deep feeling, share their secrets of the deep thought and deep. Of course, family life is not as perfect as art.
It is true, and the children of life is not always as sweet as the cherry. In some cases, family life is not only difficult and heartbreaking. Whatever the reason, sometimes the relationship between parents and children may be more nervous. Even worse is that this relationship may be completely stopped. I discussed this issue during the radio interview.
I like to do entertainment of the audience, sitting at home in one hand and the phone, the other a hand holding a coffee cup, discussed a wide variety of topics of raising children. Programme makers usually call to tell me some information before commencement of performances, including where the television broadcast, such as host name. Then play host, according to the length of the show, I will be carried out in the programme for ten minutes to an hour of talks in early childhood education.
I was most interested in the audience of parents hotline questions. That day has many listeners to the radio to call for help. I realize that many parents have some difficult issues involving the family. These stories always worrying and distressing. In any case, every caller has the same wish: to be able to regain complete and happy family life, actively seeking and child recovery approach.
I and a few visitors that day talking, and made many suggestions. At this time radio news breaks up. Usually program producers will be on line at this time, told me after the rest period, I continued the program. Rest time is approximately five minutes. But then, suddenly unexpected thing happened: producers had indeed come, did not let me continue to the original program, when the news is still in play when she begins the conversation. She says her name is sarui·Ma Ding Lin, enjoyed the show, enjoy listening to my suggestions.
Clearly, the Surrey Institute would like to discuss with me any problems, so I wait a bit, she began to tell their stories. Her public statements on the radio a little less natural. And the Surrey Institute began to tell the results surprised her experience made me.
She said she was sympathetic to so many calls her mother feels. Because they have and the son had some unpleasant experiences. She and her husband divorced, the results become very bad. Although the Surrey Institute gained custody of 14 year old son, but the son of her feelings have changed. Gray blamed the Surrey Institute divorce, believing this had hurt his father. \"He is very stubborn and does not want to and I share what, and I live with him because the Court sentenced him to me. But this does not mean that he loves me, and I share. ”
The Surrey Institute was clearly suffered from painful torment, could hardly go on. Recollections of the past seems to have again opened her emotional scars. She and her husband discuss a solution. They tried again on several occasions reconciliation, but found that it is impossible to continue living together. Had to face the reality, she loves her son, but his son did not understand why parents cannot live together. Regardless of the Surrey Institute of trying to explain, but refused to talk with her son.
\"I don\'t know what to do? \"The Surrey Institute says,\" I almost want to make a way, but the son always ignored me. I want to let him know I still love him. He was all of me – my life. So, one day, I decided to write a note to him every day, not very long, just a scratch pad a short letter, wanted him to know I\'m not giving up.
\"I might wish him football competitions are the best of luck, or friends encouraged him to play. Sometimes also written remembering information exchanges with him, whether long or short written, is written with the end \' will always love you mother \' \"
\"I wrote about a dozen of note. \"She said,\" every night I put it on the bathroom mirror, but gray was never mentioned. \"The Surrey Institute of paused, then said,\" this is enough, I just wanted to let him know I care about him, no matter what happens, will not give up his love. ”
The Surrey Institute said that she continued writing for weeks, until something happens. \"One day I will be late for work, but can\'t find the garage remote control. I searched all local wildly. \"She explains,\" I want to have an important meeting, only one place I have no view--my son\'s bedroom. Grey had left home to go to school, I never without his permission in his bedroom, in fact, I have for a long time not go off. Sometimes forgot to bring my son room key when also take over remote control, so I think gray there will be remote controlled. In any case, should go to his bedroom look.
\"I went in, I remember this room seems to have suffered a catastrophe, CD disks are everywhere on the floor, dirty clothes piled high on a bed, book and paper scattered get to that. I quickly opened the wardrobe and drawer, look on the floor, but was not found. There is not much time, I only check part is his bed. I stooped to open throw, then found a cigarette case, my heart was tense at once, nearly stopped breathing. Several terrible idea immediately came to my mind: opening the box, will find drug addiction, alcohol, or pornographic books, and so on.
\"I really do not know to open the box how much courage, I sat for a while, eventually taking off lid – can tell you now, I will be stifled. In the box, I see what I wrote a note. Can you imagine? Gray writes I note are collected up, but I guess
I want to tell you: after hearing this, Surrey Institute and I are crying, \"now what about the relationship between you and your son? \"I hesitate to ask. While on the phone, but I can also hear her laughter. \"Very good! \"She said, then added,\" despite what is clear, but I\'d know I grey found his cigarette case. I fear that he accused me of something without his consent to turn him, but I am happy I did. After I waited till he came home that day, at an appropriate time, I showed him the box, gray face became pale, then strange things happened: he started to cry.
\"I do not understand why he is always so melancholy, until you figure out the truth of the incident. Inside secrets he confided these days. He always thought it was because he didn\'t lead to divorce. Grey has condemned its cause our marriage problems. His father and I are always noisy, result thought we quarrel because of his son. He said: \"because I make your marriage, don\'t hate me, MOM, I\'m sorry. ”
\"Do you believe? \"The Surrey Institute says,\" for a long time, gray is not talking to me, because he thinks I hate he led to the divorce. \"She stopped, continue calmly said,\" thank God I wrote the note, if I do nothing, how can have a healthy relationship and son. ”
After that, the insertion end of news programmes. Presenters interrupted the told me that hotlines are the audience was bust. I heard the last word from the Surrey Institute: \"you tell the parents never to give up on it. ”
I happen to have achieved this point.
What can be learned from this story?
Surrey Institute, a radio producer told me, \"no matter how bad the relationship between you and your child, be brave to stick, it is very important. \"As a mother, not weak, just as we would wish to do, and child relationship will always be a crack in time, harm, or even rupture.
When we are faced with these intimidating obstacles, some mothers fear, their efforts to find change of method, find the answer in the book, consulting experts. If it was not immediately had improved, they give up. But sometimes, problem solving requires patience, perseverance and time. Small problems of is not to cause harm. This is all true mother is the noted.
Remember: any time, repair the relationship between the child and is not late, for children, there\'s nothing more important than healthy mother-child relationship. This is the foundation of his future relationships. No, facts are not so simple. Sometimes make people frustrated, sad. In the end did not get what they want. However, if the fear of failure without trying, it is more sad. So never give up, and try to be all involved in the children of the world, so as to long-term participation in children\'s lives.
Clever mother should pay attention to why should be involved, studies have shown that what?
Sweden psychologists Mali·mageli Te·Keer and Hakan·SITA Ting by more than 1000 more research on children and their parents in the age of four, found by parents for the child to do things to be aware of the more, the better the adaptability of children. Fewer children make mistakes, there are fewer learning problems, less depressed, have more positive expectations for life, more active partner, relations are more harmonious with their parents. Research personnel found, is those \"natural leaks people\"--those no plan value is small of information, children often will on they of parents blurted out--this on description has more to know children of life in the real occurs has what, than parents spent more of energy to control children or from children there spy information more important was more, more intervention children life of parents, is more willing to and children together share. The bottom line is: more than just participating in children\'s lives can develop adaptive capacity better child, and it is the right contact to be able to get out of trouble. In fact, those who feel always control by monitoring every step of the children of parents poor relationship between parents and their children, and those who feel their parents trust their children better relationship with their parents. In other words, is not how much parents do, but their children telling them how much. This is very different, this is the real mother.
The real secret of mothers in your child\'s education is also reflected in it?
Let us to know the facts: relationship between parents and children are always very difficult. Any single mothers with two or more children recognized that some children do better than others. But this does not mean that implementation of motherly love will be more difficult. Especially when our children more challenging when mother love is a form of life. Of course we love our children, when they are hurt when we also were injured. Let us explore more profoundly, why in the relationship with the children will have a painful or crack? More important is, let us find a way to repair relationships with the children. Part I mean, you should sincerely reflect on what\'s going to continue, and then when you finish this chapter, when to agree to do something to change, and then to change child ready yet?
1. How do you describe your relationship with your child? Is a full range of war, once a week of fighting, or just be a small conflict-of-or if you terminate the relationship? I just asked some questions to help you get inspired in some things.
2. What is the problem? If you can remember some of the recent war, are always the same thing? You can predict, for example, what would cause the next conflict?
3. When was the first setback or crack? What question mode? Can be summed up in one of the following events: divorce, moving, illness, loss, work changes
4. Let us now think about your child: what do you care about your behavior? What kind of behavior makes you worried? There are some obvious changes did occur? What is the reason? There are these possibilities: hormones reduce, conflicts, illness, drug abuse, and friends in the school frustrated, too much pressure, fatigue, exhaustion, and other adults have contradictory, despair, let parents. For reasons of, what is your guess? What can you do to reduce the problem? (For example, you can ask a tutor to his mathematics, organizing sports activities so that he does not feel overwork or suppressed, eliminating extra-curricular activities that can increase his pressure) you can do what?
5. your child\'s behavior is what attitude? Children do have really makes you look bad, has angered you, or indeed make your blood boil? Did you realize that these? How do you calm? When this behavior when your child has recently, how do you reflect? Whether eyes glower, criticize, rebuke, yelling \' for? When was the last of your positive attitude, also is to say some unfounded? Once you may react differently in the past, this behavior does not cause friction.
6. do you know about children? --Really understand them? Let the child know that you care about them, you need to interest himself in their lives, such as: How did you answer these questions?
What happened at school? Her class, her activity table, their teacher\'s name. What\'s for lunch yesterday?
Her friend is who? Eating lunch with her and who is? And who go after school?
What she likes? Band combination, TV shows, movie stars, the team, like, DVD, music, food, dessert, ice cream flavor, teacher, friend, jacket. After school he went to the place of sth
You occupy a large proportion of the world for her? You do let her know that you are interested in her life? Last you into her world, or her sphere of influence is when? For example, you last to accompany her to watch her favorite TV series when is? (You do not need to say one thing, just showing interest in it) you ever ask why she liked a picture CD or film? You have not been involved in her game or school activities?
If you know nothing about children\'s things, or have difficulty in answering the above questions, what is you know your child better method? The most simple things you can do is to let the child know that you are interested in her thing really.
On the children and their parents, what you see now? You realize that things are changing their, and better access to the children of the world, parents of children who do care? Write your answers down, then prepare to learn these secrets and application in the family
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