Real-MOM experience: If you give your child to develop a coherent set of norms and standards of conduct, even without your supervision, children will also follow this set of norms and standards to adjust their own behavior.
Key factors influencing mothers \' rearing effect: maintaining the rule of continuity, at the same time you should set strict demands on themselves.
Children will be showing real results: prudence, responsibility and self-directed
Real mothers rearing experience: no one likes to scold their children. However, \"we\" and the word mother concept of nurturing and love seems to be inconsistent. But how can this be? After all, the primary objective is to enable the children of mothers raising children can become a happy, polite, kind and decent man. Therefore, no matter what time, when you are concerned about children go astray or start discover that certain acts when some right of the child, the children set some limits and real mother is doing. They know how to properly educating children, noted that children also set a code of conduct should be consistent and coherent. This will improve the relationship between them and their children, their family life will be more harmonious, \"mother\" this work will be more pleasant, and their children will grow as they expect. Of course, is not easy to achieve these. But I believe that if you can integrate into the real mother education situation, you would have immediate benefits. Follow your inner instincts guidelines, it will tell you of consistent and coherent code of conduct for children is really useful. In addition, you set for the child\'s strict code of conduct will help your child develop good behavior and stability of the code of ethics. All rearing the final result is to help children grow up to be a real \"people.\" This is the real secret mothers \' rearing the second key point! At the same time, you make to the children of the clear and coherent code of conduct also helps children to form an internal awareness of the rules, so even if you are not his (her) side to urge, children will do very well. Remember, you created a full of love for their children, safe, and stable family environment, as well as training children to develop good manners is to you can be left to the children of two valuable wealth.
Story
\"She knows what she should do one of the parents, rather than the child\'s best friend\"
Afraid to resolutely stop the bad behavior of the children in time parents, tend to attract children to complain.
--Weien·maikelilan
Mother of Ji Naya Phu is very strict with her. She clearly remembers, in her growth process, when her friends can stay out very late, you can play pierced, when can coat mascara, but she had to rush home before nine, and until she left home to go to College to start dressing. Sounds seems to think that other children\'s mothers to better understand your child\'s mind, willing to let the kids to do things that they want to do, and mother of Ji Naya Phu and they are different.
After birth when her daughter Emily, Ji Naya Phu is determined not to like her mother education education Emily. She\'s going to do a \"cool MOM\": they will pay close attention to the latest development trends of family education, will also give his daughter to do other things girls can do. She also hoped that Emily could have those characteristics not to be recognized by her mother. Most important is that Ji Naya Phu do not want to become the wicked witch in the Oz, her daughter\'s closest intimate friend.
Do such \"cool MOM\" is full of fun. Ji Naya Phu likes to buy expensive clothes, beautiful doll Emily doll, enroll in one of the most popular dances for her class, and gold baby (Gymboree) 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: Jin Baobei (Gymboree), is a company providing global synchronization in 31 countries and areas of early childhood education international brand, founded in 1976 in United States California. As a NASDAQ-listed earlier taught brands, established over more than 700 educational centers around the world. Its education policy is through games and experience to learn, courses including recreation, music, and art. Targeted at a child care 0~3sui, expensive. Course of early institutions. Of course this also means that Ji Naya Phu work longer time is needed to pay for these luxury consumption, but she is worth every penny spent for her daughter. Compared with their childhood that she provide a more happy and special treatment for his daughter.
In this way, when Emily at the age of five, where she has been almost no spare closet to keep her beautiful clothes and dancing costumes. But, suddenly, the little girl says that he hates dancing lessons, she wanted to be an athlete.
\"For Emily, you need to know that you dance very elegant. And we have dance lessons for you to spend a lot of money. Don\'t you want to play in next week\'s big music show on it? \"Ji Naya Phu asked.
\"No, no, I do not want, Mommy! I don\'t like to Miss Parsons. She does not allow me to follow the way I want to dance, it doesn\'t allow me to speak in class. She just asked me to continue to practice, practice, practice. And MOM, you know? I had friends of Keji has to learn to skate. Her mother agreed with her to do so. ”
Ji Naya Phu tried to convince her daughter not to give up dancing. Emily\'s dance teacher had told her about Emily have dancing talent, if you can keep practising, Emily in the dance of the future will not be limited. But Emily attitude is resolute, she began to cry, the more cry more sad that nearly closed gas to. Ji Naya Phu sees this, she caved in, abandoned the idea of persuaded her daughter, with Emily to buy an expensive pair of skating shoes.
\"You are too pampered child. \"The next day, Ji Naya Phu\'s mother knew this said on the phone.
\"Oh, MOM, you don\'t understand. Emily\'s friends
One night, Ji Naya Phu and Emily go to school with parent-child activities. Miss Emily\'s teacher Takeda, every parent page through results of their children, to share with you her students in grades 2, a good performance of the year, and achieved good results. Ji Naya Phu sat beside his daughter, full of joy to page through results, seeing my daughter mathematics, writing and art performance. Just then, Emily suddenly stood up.
\"MOM, really boring. I want to go to kaili and other friends. ”
\"For Emily, you should stay with me. Your teacher is asking us to talk about your homework. ”
\"None of these things speak, MOM. And I have seen these. ”
\"No, Emily. I don\'t want you to run away. This evening I only had to change the schedule for taking the time to be here. ”
\"Oh, mother! \"Emily complained loudly.
\"Sit, Emily. Takeda will miss them. You can play back later and your friends. ”
\"Do you really mean. You are the world\'s worst mother. I hate you! \"She shouted and jumped up and rushed out of the classroom.
\"Hello, Douroux to the wife. I\'m glad you could come. What has happened to Emily? \"Miss Takeda came up and asked.
\"Oh, nothing, Miss Takeda. Once in a while you know children are be rude rude. Just one of an accident. ”
\"To be careful not to let this situation become child\'s habits. If Emily age started this behavior, please think about what they are older they will. ”
Ji Naya Phu to listen carefully. Takeda said Miss very reasonable. She had noted the recent Emily contradicting her over time more and more the number of times. Not only that, she also found Emily requires more and more, but also increasingly easy to meet. Relationship between her and her daughter became tense, people feel more pressure. Ji Naya and this sort of idyllic Phu want pleasant harmonious relationship between mother and daughter are far apart.
In the next few years, relations between Ji Naya Phu and Emily worse. Emily gave up skating, and asked me to a far away from home stud farm learning riding (needed nearly an hour by car). Meanwhile, Ji Naya Phu began constantly for her daughter that \"will have to buy\" pay expensive designer clothes, but she soon discovered the clothes were Emily carelessly strewn on the floor of the room. But Emily complain more and more, tone and sometimes reaches about 100 DB, and often shocking also to jump a few JI na Edith Piaf vulgar words in this life are not exported. Even worse is that Emily not only at home mothers have offensive moves, the Ji Naya Phu is very sad that her in public, even in the face of her grandmother still go its own way.
\"Ji Naya Phu, why can you allow your daughter speak to you that way? Was so surprising. \"Ji Naya Phu\'s mother said solemnly. \"If you continue to tolerate such rude behavior of Emily, you\'re destroying your relationship with her. ”
\"Mother, she is my daughter. Time is different. Parents for education of children and mothers have different compared to when you do. ”
\"No, Ji Naya Phu, some things never change. Children still need to have a correct set of moral standards guide their behavior, and strict code of conduct will help them to learn this set of ethical guidelines. In fact, children and the rules of conduct, ethics of society get along a lot of fun. ”
Ji Naya Phu is not willing to admit this, but she began to want to know how her mother said was correct. Emily increasing resentment towards Ji Naya Phu, she did between mother and daughter as Ji Naya Phu had hoped he would become good friends, but became a defiant, not knowing how to meet the children and not happy at all, and this dream and Ji Naya Phu perfect mothers rearing a child contrary to the image.
When Emily 13 birthday comes, she insisted in a friends invite men and women of the Home Office to participate in the Pajama Party. Things began to turn at this time.
\"The other children to do, MOM. Do not make a fuss. No big deal. ”
\"Boys and girls sleep with? Don\'t you forget those boys birthday party in kaili did cause problems? ”
\"Don\'t be silly, MOM. That\'s all right. Don\'t need so excited sth \"
\"Wait a minute, young lady,\" Ji Naya Phu interrupted for Emily, \"kaili mother of beer bottles found in the backyard is going on? ”
Ji Naya was astonished Phu, Emily duck, hiding your face with both hands, began to cry, sob and said: \"Oh, mother sth You never do anything for me. Don\'t you want my happy? You make my life a mess. ”
Ji Naya Phu stunned. \"A mess? I have something in your age is less than half of you have right now! How might you not happy at all, Emily? I have given everything you want, am I not your best friend? ”
Emily looked looked in astonishment Ji Naya Phu, wiped tears poured in the eye, \"what do you mean, the best friend? You\'re my mother! You should know what I need. This is also the responsibility of the parents-they should know how to make their children happy. ”
Yes, Emily is correct, her grandmother was also correct. Ji Naya Phu knew if she can one begin to treat his daughter more from the perspective of a parent, not deemed to be a child of their partner, then Emily may have developed better than now. Tears of daughter shook her deeply. Emily really unhappy. They were so indifferent relationship between mother and daughter.
Now is the time for Ji Naya Phu strongly indicates that the opposition. In her view a boys and girls in the homeParticipate in the Pajama Party is asking for trouble.
\"For Emily, you can do that at home parties. You can only invite the participation of female friends, this is the rule. ”
She looked at her daughter, mother was surprised the new tone of speaking.
\"And not only that,\" Ji Naya Phu continues, \"from now on I can\'t accept your bad attitude and lack of respect shown to me. You need to start learning to appreciate everything you have right now, you might want to do this is the best way I no longer meets your requirements without principles and will not give you what you don\'t need. ”
The real secret of mothers in your child\'s education is also reflected in it?
Psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley of daianna·baomulinde (Diana Baumrind) parental upbringing conducted an in-depth study, by observing a large number of families obtain first-hand information. She distinguish three different parenting styles, also pointed out that one of the rearing in developing the self-confidence of children more effective.
Real-MOM wisdom four simple strategies, help you develop a strict code of conduct
1. use the rewind method. Must ensure that your children understand your purpose and what you want. To tell children what you require, and then let your child just like listening to a tape rewind repeat what you said. It only takes a few seconds of time, but guarantees do not cause a child\'s misunderstanding.
2. try to \"10-second rule\". Explain to the child you want him (her) what to do when, to ensure that the concise and accurate description. If you do not you have described your requirements within 10 seconds, it shows you say too much.
3. Please lower your tone. Sometimes, let the child know how to comply with the code of conduct for the most efficient method is to lower your tone. Nothing more than screaming can make children feel tired. Teachers have been using this for many years education policy, because it is very effective.
4. instructions to short. When the children clearly what they do not need to listen to speeches when they are easier to take conduct of the parents. So your requirement will be seeking to short and to the point, such as \"you go to bed before finishing well. \"And sometimes to say one word can achieve their goals, such as\" homework! \"\" Housework! \"Or when to have your child should sleep time still watch TV when you can say you want to write on a piece of sticky, posted on the TV, such as\" bed! \"\" Garbage! \"This child will know what you mean. (If you do not work, you can turn off the TV switch directly. ）
Let type. This type of parent will give the children a lot of love, but never require any return of the child. Therefore also never themselves as a firm and strictly disciplined followers. This type of parents want their children the best friend, rather than the child\'s parents.
Authoritarian type. This type of parents believe in an absolute standard of conduct and authority, they are kids in your life using a large number of command and threats. This type of parents to care little what children thought, nor does it consider compromise or concession with the children, let alone and child consultations on sth. This type of parent teaches child\'s philosophy is: work hard, respect for authority and tradition, they believe that the concept is useful for the kids. In this family do not exist in the phenomenon of mutual accommodation.
Authority type. This type of parent rearing of their children is an assertive authority and rational, equitable, and organically combine. They will help children to understand, agree with as adults should bear the responsibility of parents, will also encourage children to express their personal needs and requirements.
If you think your kids \' control is unchecked, then controlled the following content, see if these statements to reflect your attitude:
My way of raising the children and my parents support me to differ. Parents too strict with me, my relationship with them is not good.
My busy work schedule so that I can\'t put too much focus on the family. This is I can\'t accompany children on a compensation of around.
Everyone is willing to do anything for their children. Why I should be different?
I tried to become friends of the children. I think this is a good mother and the children in the course of one very important thing.
I hope that my children happy, hoping that he (she) had a happy childhood. Always pay close attention to child\'s every move for achieving this goal without help.
I\'m afraid to say \"no\". He (she) may not love me or I am not satisfied with.
My children sometimes luck is not very good, I just want to help your child makes things easier.
I do not believe that punishment will work.
I worry that if I refuse a child\'s request, it may bruise your child\'s self-esteem or shadow left to children young minds.
Children\'s bad behavior as he (she) age and disappear. It is only a stage of children growing up.
If you think you too autocratic, then against the following, see if these can reflect on your situation:
I am exhausted. I really don\'t have time to listen to what children think.
I think that parents should be strictly discipline their children, and should not do the child\'s friends, to hear him (her) mind.
Such was my parents, I, I will be in a position to educate my children.
By heart is concerned, this is not my manners. But my spouse is absolutist, I just follow my spouse, my tutor partners on child rearing.
I do not know other ways to discipline children.
I fear that the child will lose control, without restraint.
I believe that if you can do to respect the elderly, this family cultural atmosphere will definitely affect the children in such families is shown in a very clear class distinction.
Which one would you consider rearing rearing the child will be more confident, more polite? If you select the \"authoritative\" congratulations, this answer is correct. In the children\'s growth process, if you can keep using this rearing, you bring up a more polite and more confident, happier children\'s chances will be greatly improved, and the children and your relationship can be very healthy, harmonious. What factors would prompt you to make up its mind to change the way your current education it? First step what you need to do to make their own form of education change? Please write your thoughts on these issues on a horizontal line below. Then we started to learn the true mother of the second secret and use it to your home.
Real mother remind you
Strict impartiality, shaping the child\'s personality
University psychologists laolunsi·sitengboge and team United States 9 communities conducted a study of 20,000 young people and their families. Research results with daianna·baomulinde similar to sitengboge also found the authoritarian parent or let parents raise children than authoritative parents raising children are more likely to form a strong personality, but also more likely to succeed in school, showed confidence. These children are less likely to alcohol or drugs. Sitengboge remind parents: \"children need from their parents get the most important thing is love, and the second is a code of conduct. ”
Contain children bad behavior\'s strict and fairly 9 steps
First step: make the rules. You think you can tolerate, and you put the child what behavior should be tolerated. Targeted, firm their beliefs and principles, and then let the child know your ideas and goals. Please be sure to keep in mind that as the children grow up, you on his (her) expectations should be adjusted as well. Do not have to be afraid of change, don\'t worry may need to compromise your principles.
The second step: a solution a bad behavior. If your child has been repeating certain bad behavior, you must focus. Indeed, perhaps your child has a lot of problems to solve, but to improve the child one of the most effective way is to children at a time of bad behavior (never more than 2). So that you will be more likely to appear again to permanently stop the bad behavior of children. So please narrow, clear objectives, concentrate of children that are not conducive to the Elimination of mother-child relationship and harmony and to impede the child\'s personality developed specific adverse health behaviors, such as whispering about, be tempered, very late, and so on.
The third step: calm communication with the children. If a child has damaged you set rules or is showing some kind of bad behavior, you should consider demanding child. Every time you talk to children before doing a deep breath, try to keep themselves cool. If you need to pause, maybe later, so I may as well try. Then please see children eyes tell you request, to ensure that you have attracted the attention of children. Remember, your goal is to specification in the \' love child\'s behavior, rather than in anger rebuked children.
The fourth step: clear issues of concern to you. Please do not assume that the child will understand his (her) do anything wrong. We should use the serious and sober tone, restatement of the children you formulate a code of conduct or to explain to the children why says that he (she) behavior is wrong. The beginning, you may be able to ask the children: \"what are the rules of our home? \"\" Why do you think your friend is angry? \"Or\" why do you think I angry? \"If the child is unclear himself wrong reasons, then you will be to him (her) explained why his (her) behavior is wrong (to focus on the explain you formulate a code of conduct, such as\" we are not going to catch the kitten\'s fur, we gently Pat it. \"\" You should not blow. \") Please remember to clear your explanation concise. For example, \"If you put the bike on the outside, it may be stolen. \"\" Your tone very rude. \"At the same time in order to be fair, you should listen carefully to explain, so you can know the ins and outs of the whole. If you investigate the truth when you yourself are wrong (you know, this situation occur), it must be to the child admission and apology.
Fifth step: it is recommended that children for positive selection. Specifically, what you want your child to form a new behaviour? Please give children the opportunity to one or two can make a positive choice. Such as \"Please moderate polite to talk to me. \"\" End of the game you should go home at once. \"In order to ensure that children understand your requirements, you can let a small child asked me to make a certain choice of behavior, such as\" show me how to ask others for help. \"When necessary, children can be consulted without concern, for example, you can ask:\" what to do next time you will not violate our code of conduct set out in it? Next time what to do to ensure you will not make the same mistake? ”
Sixth step: If the child continues to violate the rules or his (her) still do not have your own bad behavior, then you need to explain to the child that he (she) consequences of this. For example, \"If you can\'t moderate polite talking to me, you cannot use the phone. \"\" If you go to your sister screaming, you\'re going to sit the closed. \"Keep in mind that your interpretation must be specific, short and strict. If a child appears again without
Seventh step: correct the child\'s bad behavior on the spot, implementing the agreement concluded between you and your child. Even if the signs of child\'s bad behavior is still not correct, but also to insist on complete agreement concluded between you and your child. You must keep the agreement consistent continuity and rows to do from words, so that the child will understand that you are serious about. Once the children appear inappropriate behavior, you should immediately be corrected.
Eighth step: be sure to be fair. Your goal is not to show each child a little issues have evolved into a world war, to grasp scale, strive to do the child rearing process strictly coexist with a fair balance. When the child\'s behavior and conflict rules when you make, be sure to investigate the ins and outs of the matter. At the time of settlement of disputes you and your child, several of the following methods may be helpful to you:
The compromise. \"You should have been doing my homework at this time, but I see you are now focused on practice dribbling, you agree that after half an hour to do homework? \"Remember, don\'t let children affect your judgment, do not make you think are unfair or inappropriate concessions.
Let the child choose. \"Today you\'re going to finish the housework. Do you want to finish before dinner or a supper and then do? ”
Joint problem-solving. First of all, you want to know how you and your child is it possible to reach both sides endorsed the agreement. This means you need the right to change your child develop a code of conduct so that you and your child can accept.
Concessions. If the child has behavior problems are insignificant trivial things, so you may wish to agree with the child\'s requirements, but make sure that children can give a good reason. You will also have to explain to the child clearly causes of this accommodation. In addition, at any time if you make a mistake, must make concessions, children and want to admit its mistakes.
Nineth: is proud of the effort for kids. Changing a child\'s behavior, please do not overlook the most simple, but often the most effective way. For example, \"you and I spoke just now showed respect for me, I like this way of speaking. \"To know change is very difficult for everyone, especially for children. So you certainly at an appropriate time, appreciate the children\'s efforts, recognition of children\'s progress at a time.
Real mother what to do
Other members of the joint, joint implementation of strict and fair standards of conduct
Live in New York, kaluo·tuobaiesi, huaitepulinsi is the mother of 3 children. When her youngest son Sean began to attack the neighbors children when Carlo realize that Shawn is a problem. Carlo began to focus on Shaun\'s aggressive behavior, and tell him any time, if he then with fists rather than by negotiation problems he had to sit the closed. Since then, Shawn\'s performance is also good at home, Carol seems to play a role. But Sean when she received kindergarten teacher when the note is written, Carol realized that in order to correct the bad behavior of Shaun, she needs and Shaun teachers formed a United Front to ensure coherent action from home to kindergarten. So she called Shaun teacher Mrs Simmons. On the phone, she and Simmons wife communication. She explained to Mrs Simmons himself taken by Shawn \"closed\" form of education, Mrs and hope that Simmons method of education in kindergarten can do the same. As the two ladies has reached a consensus, has cooperated, Shawn learned whether at home or in the kindergarten no longer to attack others.
No matter which one you are trying to correct the child\'s problem behavior, and at least one adults will get along with your child the opportunity to discuss your education plan. Even help you look after only 5 minutes a week children\'s nanny may also help you enhance your education policy, so that your child is more likely to behave differently in a short time.
You make your own commitment
1. the previously mentioned in the story of Emily and her mom Ji Naya Phu did resonate with you? What did you get it? Drawn by the story of the real mother\'s parenting secrets has attracted your attention? Have you wanted to apply the secrets in your family life? How the right to be strict but fair, and that children benefit from it?
2. How will you use the nine steps to correct the child\'s bad behavior? Please look over again in this section appear in those educational methods, guidelines, education skills and stories.
3. Please turn to page 61st, fill out the \"mother of commitment\", stated in the next 21 days, you will change themselves to be strict and fair to the children (writing a change).
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