Real-MOM experience: If you want your children to follow your example, you must standardize their behavior.
Key factors influencing mothers \' rearing effect: his words and deeds
Children will be showing real results: personality, values and love.
Real mothers rearing experiences: to do to real mothers rearing children one of the secrets of the simplest and most important is that you should know about children is through \"see\" and \"listen\" for learning. Therefore, you and MOM, you should pay attention! Our children will see the way we deal with stress and imitate; children would hear our conversation with friends, or the views of our friends, then they would imitate our way of speaking to and peer exchanges; the children be aware of our sad tears, anger or depression cause, they will accordingly to follow the emotional ups and downs. Children will learn from our daily words and deeds to the patient or impatient, sympathy or tolerance or indifference, prejudice, frugal or luxury. The parenting secrets is actually very simple, but often neglected. Obviously, as parents, most of us didn\'t realize how far-reaching impact we have on the child\'s life. Perhaps this is because there are too many mothers are deep ideas of false mothers rearing in modern society into the quagmire of daily running, busy with doing this and that for children, busy with the child to participate in different activities, and no time to get down to thinking\'s sake. Please you to slow the rush of it! Please do not weaken its influence on the child! Your words and deeds of the day for children, is a living textbook. In addition to our plan, many unexpected events can occur every day, through what these events to educate the children than computer games, courses, transfer of children, child education is much more important. Real mother are aware of role models of education, is well known to the child\'s life will have a profound and great impact.
Story
\"She has set a good example for kids\"
Action is far better than words.
--United States local proverbs
Ruien·OU Xie long four years have never seen so many people like this in: containment of customer service at the airport in front of hundreds of people, there are many disgruntled passengers in the front counter the long team, who was so excited because their flight was canceled. You know, the next day was Christmas, everyone at the Atlanta Airport was eager to go back and family reunion.
Ryan and his mother was no exception. According to the plan, Ryan\'s father and sister will go to San Francisco to meet them, and then a family back in to nonstop at the home in paluoatu city, so get ready before Santa Claus comes to cookies. Ruienlai said, this will be the best Christmas he spent. He hopes that Santa Claus can bring him a red tricycle and animation of the sponge baby videos. And he also give MOM and Dad had prepared a Christmas present: Grandma quietly to help him do a beautiful photo frame (with glue macaroni on a popsicle stick like the edge of the box, and then sprayed gold paint on, sprinkle with small flashing ornament), which then installed his photo in the kindergarten. Ryan wanted to father and mother of a surprises.
Regardless of what Christmas was like in the Ryan imagined, but he experienced at the airport at the moment is not so pleasant: a lot of looks upset the adults huddled around him, constantly shouting something.
\"What do you mean, \' computer failure \'? …… These flights are no crew members are scheduled? …… This is something that I hear most is intolerable! …… This help desk is only one staff, with such efficiency we have to stay here for a few days. \"Passengers continue to complain.
Once these passengers heard what happened, it was swarming into help desk, hoping to find solutions from staff: are there other airlines flights can go check? Are there other means of transport, such as train, rental car or anything else you can use? Hotels near the airport have been filled up, they where to sleep at night? Do airlines will make up their overhead? It was getting late, almost everyone was pretty tired, hungry, impatient. Some visitors emotions out of the whole situation increasingly worsened, it was like a nightmare.
\"Darling,\" Ryan\'s mother Abbey said to him, \"don\'t go lose it! Be sure to stay with my mother, baby. ”
\"But MOM, why do we not on the plane? \"Ryan asked. \"We have to get back home, so that we can cookie give Santa Claus prepare Ah. ”
\"Don\'t worry, Ryan, we will be able to do it. \"Abbey assures Ryan road. \"Nothing can stop us home for Christmas. ”
In this way, the mother and her young son waited. A few seconds later, a few minutes later, half an hour past the sth They feel time goes by so slow.
Time to one minute to the last, in fact, they had to wait for 3 hours. In this 3 hour, her constantly and Ryan speak, sing, he read the stories, rhymes, one after another, shows amazing patience and perseverance.
\"Ryan, do you remember the name we give our animals, in the car do the guessing game? \"Abbey said.
\"I certainly remember, MOM. Sth small crocodiles, bears, cats \"
After a while, a Grandma to see this scene in the crowd, she decided to give the mother a hand, so she and xiaoruien singing with the small spiders and the farmer in a small valley in the nursery rhyme. Several other passengers also took turns and Ryan says
, And the little boy is also willing to share. \"Hey, did you know that Santa Claus is going to my home? \"Ryan excitedly asks. \"This is me through one of the best Christmas,\" he said to everyone around.
Finally, after waiting for nearly 3 hours and 43 minutes, the ticket agent finally turn to Abbey business consultation (some people also keeping their conversation, hope I can learn some more information). Abbey Advisory attitude very friendly, she told agents: her husband and daughter at home waiting for her and Ryan, she needs to get back home and they reunite.
\"I want to rent a car or take the bus to go to where the nearest airport, the airport should be there are flights to fly. In any case, we can get home well. \"Abbey\'s voice was sonorous, Ryan can hear clearly. \"You know, Santa Claus is coming tomorrow. So we have to make my son can get home in time for Christmas Eve. ”
But clearly, that looked tired, very impatient ticket agent\'s answer is not willing to hear the young mothers and other passengers. After all the stranded passengers had been waiting nearly four hours.
\"I\'m sorry,\" the ticket agents said. \"There is no flight the next few days. Santa Claus this year is impossible. You are trapped in here. ”
Hear this, everyone present surprise breath. Ryan felt depressed for the first time. He feels as if blown by a gust of wind. He never thought he might miss Santa\'s visit. Abbey heard the ticket agents answer, look to blew: her face is as red as a beet, held hands tightly into fists, and difficulties breathing becomes short. Looks she appeared to hit the person a, otherwise, be he cried.
But another surprising thing happened at this time. Abbey a glance at his own son, xiaoruien seemed to want to prevent her from making any impulse to. Then, Abbey turned and looked at the ticket agents, coudao next to his face, harsh said: \"sorry, I need a little time, I will make things they regret. ”
Of those lined up passengers were originally very frustrated and tired all of a sudden quiet down. The ticket agents turned Deathly pale. Many passengers nervously glanced others. Some people have made at any time \"Dodge\" posture. Almost everybody thinks that this lady is about to start beating the ticket agents and the agent is also a a great calamity is at hand expression. All eyes will focus on the Lady, however, after a few seconds, they see the mother made some rather surprising move.
Abbey turned back to the ticket agent, standing motionless in front of the consultation. Her closed eyes, has slowly made several deep breaths. And then she began to count from one to ten as calm as possible. When she count to ten when she opened her eyes, release the clenched fist, put his hands on both sides of the body. Her dusky began gradually receded, breathing gradually becomes normal. These changes do not have more than 30 seconds, but feeling like has gone through a very long time.
Ryan was filled with AWE looked at her mother: she turned to the help desk, open the ticket agents. Only hear her calmly on the agent said, \"wait a minute, Sir. You get it wrong. Santa Claus will come. So we need to figure out how to help Ryan home waiting for Santa Claus. ”
Crowd of people obviously long breath, because, after all, do not need to call the police. And then there was a crowd of applause! Everyone realized that they had just witnessed striking on the ground: they really see one enraged passengers how to control itself. You know, this airport has been very rare in these days. This memorable, it is worth bearing in mind.
Of course, the ticket agents at this time of reaction has also been a little different. He wiped the sweat on the forehead may be congratulating themselves are still alive. Throughout the process, the best number to xiaoruien. The little boy quietly witnessing the occurrence of this event the entire development process, and he was smiling from ear to ear at the moment. And the look on his face very interesting: he looked up MOM, eyes full of pride and worship. He is also the man who most forcefully for the Abbey by acclamation.
\"Well done! \"A older lady came over and patted Abbey\'s back, says with appreciation.
The young mother realized that Ryan has been observing things progress for the first time, witnessed how she also deal with the problem. See their son looked at her with honor, pleasure to her smile, she was very gratified, her smile looked at Ryan. Then she saw to the older Lady, with a smile and said \"thank you. We do not know the children will watch our every move, isn\'t it? ”
Just then, and a source of unexpected things happen. The ticket agent no Abbey eyes to suppress the voice said to her: \"come point. I cannot say too loud about it. Now has a Delta company of the flight was to fly to Nashville after 27 minutes. You go straight to 32nd gate. I have been told they left you two seats, I booked two tickets for you and your son from Nashville tickets to fly to San Francisco. Do not talk directly to register. You will have plenty of time at home waiting for the arrival of Santa Claus. ”
Abbey smiles at the Agent location below, then take Ryan hand tight, he said: \"I\'ve always said that we can get home in time to wait for Santa Claus. ”
And before my mother rushed to the gate, young voice for xiaoruien said the agents on the help desk
: \"Merry Christmas, Sir! ”What you can learn from this story?
Abbey\'s biggest virtue is not a patient, but she clearly knows to and his son home in time to meet Santa in a timely manner is the only way to control his temper. In consultation with the front she behaved with great restraint and patience, but she did not think of is little Ryan has been watching her every move, when she accidentally see a child when she realized. Is that not true? When our children in our time, we often do not know. But at least one thing is true: the mother at the airport have shown compassion, perseverance, patience and restraint, and optimism are her four year old son will never forget the scene, a vivid lesson on her son.
From that day on, Abbey are strongly aware of all the things she did have a great influence on children, she quickly realized the best way to teach Ryan to learn how to act is through her own words and deeds to affect children. Our parents \' behavior like a living textbook, so often think about the children learned from your what? We need to consciously regulate his words and deeds, and strive to set up a they could follow the example for the children.
Real-MOM wisdom every mother should ask a question
If you would like to ask ourselves a question every night, so this is your evaluation of the upbringing of their children every day the best indicator. You can ask: if my child just observed my actions, then he will learn what to? Your honest answer will tell you to become your children the best role model, what behavior you need to be improved the next day.
The real secret of mothers in your child\'s education is also reflected in it?
Following is a short test. Before you make this test, it is important to understand our goal is not to become a perfect mother, but to change a one or two kinds of behaviour, makes itself into child better example. Therefore, in accordance with the following entry lists and your own real-world situations to be a contrast, look at your child imitate what you acts, or what factors impeded the formation of children\'s personality, the impact of the harmonious development of physical and mental health of the children. At the same time you also need to do a rough record on Notepad, remind yourself why you want to change from time to time. You give children set up the following an example of how to do?
Health status. You regularly go to the hospital for medical examination and dental inspection? Your eating habits and sleep habits to be a child to follow you? You will have to exercise regularly? You will have some addictive habits, such as smoking, alcohol abuse, engorgement or is addicted to go on a diet to lose weight? You clearly know the reason why they have a sense of pressure, and you can find the appropriate way to respond?
Personality, integrity and moral choice. Whether your child can distinguish between good qualities, such as kindness, fairness and tolerance? In our daily lives, do you value these qualities? For example, if you want the child honestly, would you rate your children? When you fill in the personal income tax return, you will try to do tax evasion? When you go to a movie and children\'s time, you will be required to buy the film suitable for children ages tickets? You will take the children sneak into it?
Belief or religion. In your life will follow your religious beliefs or stick to your principles? For example, in the daily life, you are subject to the law of gold 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: and forgiving (golden rule), or translated golden rule, golden rule, derived from the Bible in the\" how you want others, you have to treat people. \"(See the xinyue·mataifuyin 7th, chapter), somewhat akin to China \'s\" own wants and effects for the people \". Do? You prayer or contemplation on time? Will you go to church every week (or Jewish Church) Church?
Self control. You will do impulsively go shopping or eating? You can for emotional self-adjustment? Even in the case of someone overtake Rob road you can do it sensibly to drive it? When someone slander you when you can exercise restraint? When watching a children\'s game if you can demonstrate good morality does (even in coaching children bench approach have irritated you case)?
Work habits. At work, can you do self-constraint? You will keep, go all out to do? You will follow the deadline to complete work? You will do as requested by the mission through to the end?
Social service and charitable activities. Do you do volunteer? Do you give time off to take part in charitable activities? You are in life through their own actions to show children the generosity and good quality, enable children to appreciate \"them\" than the \"accept\": more reason that makes people happy?
Manners are polite. Do you want your children to follow your behaviour? Whether you habitually use \"thank you\" \"Please respond\" polite? You do tight-lipped about whether on oath? Do you speak that abusive?
Prejudice, superstition and fear. Can you guarantee that your child will not be affected by your race, economic, religious or cultural bias on the issue of impact? You will be on higher ground, fear of flying, spiders or snakes is unusual yet? Do you have some superstitious taboos, such as taboos under a ladder after 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: many Westerners would not walk under a ladder. Reason is maybe a can of paint is poured on the head, lacquerer brush may drip paint, or it may be because the ladder against the wall, form a triangle. Early Christians as a symbol of the Trinity River Delta, also when it is eternal. From the triangle below, it becomes a violation of holy land, not just ask for it
。 , Don\'t like the black cat from the front after 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: Westerners think cats are usually small animals can bring good fortune, especially the black cat. In the United States is just the opposite, that only white cat to bring good fortune. Or does not reside in the 13th floor of the building (Note: your answers to these questions will help you recognize their prejudice and fear for the first time)? Interpersonal relationships. How do you treat your friends, relatives and spouses? How do you face those gossip? How do you think about loyalty? Do you happen to be friends firm supporters of? You will take the time to do solidarity and friendship between friends? You and your spouse or former spouse to communicate it? Would you like to more contacts and relatives?
Attitude towards life. Your attitude biased in positive or negative? You are optimist or a pessimist? Sometimes, certain negative views of you do will affect the child\'s attitude to life?
Intellectual and cultural stimulation. Do you thing full of curiosity and thirst for knowledge? Do you like learning new knowledge? You can read aloud in front of the children or talk about the educational value of problem? You will spend time with their children to visit museums, lectures, participate in different courses do? You are in front of the children talk about current events, global dynamics do? Or do you try to learn a new hobby?
Family financial problems. Your savings, family on the issue of financial planning, adhere to the budget consumption is what to do with it? How do you see the value of money?
Now you need to find fault with some of their own, face the reality: the behavior that you feel that you need to change to better become the child\'s role model? Please write on the following line, and to be implemented in life. Next will be telling you what to do in order to become a child\'s good example. Join us to learn the secrets of the fourth, and apply it to your family.
Four steps to help you become a child\'s good example
First step: select the target you want to change. Please look again you make quiz answers above, and then select a time you want to change behaviour, attitudes or beliefs. If you have difficulties in selecting, then the problems listed below may help you specifically target.
My children from my behavior which mimics the behavior of such negative characteristics?
For a child, my behavior which makes me look like a hypocrite?
Unless I make adjustments, or the child will not imitate which I hope he (she) has positive qualities characteristic of it?
What kind of features do want me to change for the whole family?
Now open your Notepad, write down you most want to change a certain behavior, attitudes or beliefs. For example: more patience. Criticize the children. Discipline when the son is more calm. At home to concentrate on religious beliefs. To let the children know I am a very interesting person.
Real mother remind your mother, attention! Children are watching your every move!
About half a century ago, a social psychologist at Stanford University aerbote·Bandula has been a famous experiment – wave doll experiment. The object of the experiment including children, adults, and an inflatable doll named wave. BANDURA and Research Assistant trying to figuring out whether the child is through observation and imitation learning of offensive behavior in adults. They have cameras installed in the lab and double-sided mirror for easy observation. When children come into the lab will see an adult and a large inflatable plastic dolls called the wave (is that is down with the doll would later play together). Researchers let the children watch the adult aggressive assault scenes of dolls, occasionally dolls are verbal attacks in adults. After a period of time, the researchers allowed the children to play with dolls. Amazing thing happened this time: not only will the children mimic adult behavior to beating, slapping, abuse the doll, and they also creatively use their way to attack the doll. This classic study of bandura tells us: the children does to imitate the behavior they see.
The second step: agree with reasons for change. When you change your own deep understanding of the reasons for, the better you will increasingly give ourselves to this process of transformation. Please think about this for a few minutes and write down your changes impact on how your family will be, what your family might have harvested.
Now I can affect the trait on the family?
If I change for children and myself, there will be any different?
I change my family than ever before what subtle difference?
The third step: develop a change plan. Only develop a detailed comprehensive plan, you can change in behaviour, attitudes or ideas. This scheme is equivalent to an undertaking. Third step you need to do is to make a change for your own plan. Open Notepad, positive thinking you can do all things, and then review your idea, until you develop a plan for you and your family situation. General characteristics of a good plan with 5: (1) specific (2) can be measured (3) can be completed (4) in line with reality (5) the time horizon. The following two examples help you to understand what makes a good plan:
Mother planned (case a): a more active attitude faced with children
I currently existing problems: my thoughts are negative, my children also begin to notice my pessimistic attitude. In order to set a more positive role models for children, I can:
Want a positive thing and every day and say a few words.
Read some inspirational books encourage optimism lives, from which work best for me
View. Remind myself trying not to publish negative comments.
My plan: the first day, drink coffee when I write I will a index card on some positive evaluation of the child. I will stick to this card on the mirror of my bedroom, and children in order to remind ourselves this way.
Mother planned (ii): control of his temper, a self control set an example for children
I currently existing problems: my character more impatient, very easy to lose his temper. Carla began to imitate this behavior I, she shouted at her friend. In order to set a good example for children, I need to calm down before you bite, to exercise restraint. I can:
More exercise, because it enables me to calm down. Kara I can do yoga to the kindergarten.
Read some books on regulating anger, find a fit for my skills, and practice using it.
Develop a \"don\'t cry\" family rules (this means that when I was fouled, the child can show me a red card).
See makes me angry when three deep breaths slowly.
My plan: I want to buy a recorder, so that when kalawu sleep every day when I can watch videos of Yoga exercise 30 minutes. Every day when I cook dinner when I want to practice deep breathing, because at that time I was very easy to anger.
Real mother remind you mothers also need to \"pause\"
New helper County Director of the family research laboratory at the University sociologists Murray · · Strauss once 991 parents conducted an investigation, he found that almost half of parents when a child or a baby once he (she) had shouted. To the children at the age of 7, 98% \'s parents had on the verbal attacks on the children. Children will scream at people around because they hear in your life often shouted. In some families, said family members reached a consensus to use \"pause\" gestures to resolve the issue. When a family member when speaking volume is higher than normal, others will immediately make a gesture to remind him (her) lower the tone. Walk aside to let yourself calm down, this \"pause\" problem approach is appropriate for parents and children. Believe me, when you want the \"pause\" when children will remind you of.
The fourth step: develop monitoring and control system. We are well known: the change is not an easy task. Whether it is for children or for your own purposes, change is very difficult. Of course, you may already know what needs to be changed, and the appropriate plan has been developed, but
Now you need a technique to remind myself to implement the plan. The following may help you sort out the content of thought:
Please a good friend to do the \"nag partner\", he (she) daily \"gentle\" to remind you to implement the plan.
Wearing a jewellery such as necklaces, rings, bracelets, so every time I see it, you will be able to remind myself to firm targets, even beyond the target. Do not remove it.
Refrigerator, bathroom mirrors, computer monitors, bedside or car dashboard posted several tags to continually remind ourselves to uphold the implementation plan. Tag can only write a directive, such as \"restraint\". Or you can also use a piece of red paper to \"temper\" means. Don\'t need other people to understand the meaning of these tags, as long as you can see them, you can understand what they mean.
You can in the calendar, newspaper, magazines, electronic notebooks or on a card in a record of your performance. If you can do every day on time record their behavior, then you are more likely to be enacted to implement your plan.
You can reward yourself periodically. Everyone wants their own hard work can be appreciated, so please do not ignore your own efforts. Every time, you can go outside of the restaurant to eat lunch, hire a favorite movie or is the point on the candle, washing a bubble bath to award himself.
You make your own commitment
1. the former mentioned in the text of the story of Ryan and his mother Abbey did resonate with you? What did you get it? You in this story has not been any \"insight\"? Have you wanted to apply the secrets in your family life? How the right to use this recipe, set a good example, children can benefit from it?
2. How will you use these four steps to set a better example for kids? Please look over again in this section appear in those educational methods, guidelines, education skills and stories.
3. Please turn to page 61st, fill out the \"mother of commitment\", fill in over the next 21 days you will how to change yourself so that you can set exemplary example for kids (writing a change).
Real mother what to do
To make their behavior become obvious, so that children can understand
In Nevada in the North of xielier·liteer women participated in many charity organizations in volunteer activities. However, because the children are in school, so they do not have a chance to see her these behaviors. \"I hope my children can for the sake of others, and can do good Samaritans. So now I\'ll tell me to participate in charitable activities, will also explain to them I do volunteers get fun. I contacted a children\'s Hospital, each month I can be there for a few hours with children volunteer. Children are now fully understand my behavior. ”
To the children to explain their behavior
P>He Ms State sidifenni·woke in Salt Lake City that should give priority to children in the family education of polite manners. But her two sons do not always pay attention to her model behavior. So now she consciously to explain to the children of her behavior, and gradually formed a habit, for example, she said: \"I want to put the napkin in the leg. \"\" Everyone after the sitting, I will start eating. \"Stephanie says the children from this began to change in the future.
Family participation
Oklahoma Tulsa kaluoer·hake lady has two son between the age of 11-13. Carol realized that they all lack self control the quality. She on top of a calendar with a pen to write \"self control\" Word and paste it on your refrigerator to remind the issue for the whole family. But this is only Carol first step in the plan. She also found the family videos, children\'s books, and news reports involving the self-control of prominent figures in fragments, take this as an example to explain why to the family said self-control the quality is so important. The family also made up a family motto to warn her: \"in our actions, you must first stop and think about. ”
Real mother of wisdom and six ways, fast cooling anger
Real mother what to do
Anger is a very normal emotional response, however you are handled will determine you to be Queen is a terrible witch family had in mind. Now have a lot of emotion regulation strategies of controlling anger, the key is to find a method that is right for you, and then practice, gradually formed a habit. Family is the best way to practice. Following the six might be helpful to you.
1. leave the scene. Regardless of the time, when you feel anger when cannot contain, please go to the side. Simply explained to the children: \"mother takes several minutes to cool. \"If you need to adjust their emotions locked in the bathroom, so please do it!
2. prompt. You can say to their simple, positive discourse to regulate their emotions. For example, \"to remain calm. \"\" To exercise restraint. \"\" I can deal with this matter. \"Choose a language that you feel comfortable, exercises several times a day, until you can master.
3. stop, take some deep breaths. When you are about to lose his temper when, please tell myself, stop! To calm! Deep breath and slowly do it again (if necessary for two or three times), so that adequate oxygen to the brain. This is himself one of the quickest way to ease.
4. imagine some very cool things. Please think several can help you to calm down, achieve peace of mind of people or places, such as your spouse, a family beach, your bed, your backyard, and so on. Before you get angry, you will feel your body will issue Alert, please close your eyes at this time, slow breath, imagine you see people who can make you calm or features.
5. lift breathing. Please close your eyes, a deep breath and imagine you are standing at the moment in the elevator at the top of a tall building. You press the button of the first layer, exhale three times, and then as lift decreases, Elevator floor indicators light up one by one. When the elevator when your anger also dissipated. 6. relieve tension. Please identify your stress, the most serious of a body part (neck, shoulder muscles or Chin). Close your eyes, focus your nervous of the site, strained 3-4 seconds, and then relax. When you do, please imagine the pressure gradually subsided.
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