Real-MOM experience: If you can give all the attention with the children, they will always remember you.
Key factors influencing mothers \' rearing effect: show your concern for children
Children will be showing real results: feel important and self-acceptance
Real mothers rearing experience: what a mother can understand if you have to concentrate on listening to plays a very important role in family education, so her children can be said to be very lucky. If a mother can stop work in your hand, and attention to all children, so this is her children a way of expressing love and acceptance. The rearing of secret key is not what you want to do more for children, but to do less. As the oldest Zen said: \"nothing needs to be done, is to be sitting there. \"\" Sit down, listen to \"when you do when your child will understand that at this moment in the minds of your nothing to listen to him (her) had more important things to be heard. This can also be used to explain why all ears listening is one of the most precious gift of mother and child. Of course, this is also the 12 secrets of raising the most simple one. It only needs you choice in a Flash--hang up the phone, put down the newspaper, book, and then to let the child know that your are willing to accompany him (her) side, willing to listen to his (her) talk. And it only requires you to make some actions of concern, such as looking at children, with a slight nod, the body slightly forward, showing you are interested in, all these actions information is passed to the child: MOM is very concerned about me; can I and my mother said anything; she wants to hear what I say. And an implied benefit of this is: concentrate on listening is to maintain contact between mother and son deep lasting foundation. From now on, into a listening habits, your child will always treat you as a reliable decision consultants, loyal loyal friend and patient mentor.
Story
\"She will Be all ears\"
Mother is the heart of a child\'s classroom.
--Hengli·wode·bi penetration (Henry Ward Beecher) 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: hengli·wode·bi penetration (Henry Ward Beecher,1813~1887) United States Congregational Christian liberal clergyman, writer. Eloquence superior, Social Affairs, was the most influential Protestant spokesman. In addition to his sermons, than the penetration of books including evolution and religion, such as the life of Jesus Christ.
Most of the teachers had recognized some of the students that they are never forgotten. 6 liji·andesen belong to this class of students. He left many years later I still remember him in my class. In fact, the child is so special that I still clearly remember when I first saw him.
It was in my second year after being a teacher, school when the first day of school. My class at one end of the corridor, I stood in front of the class to meet my new students, grade one. Rickey, branch off the bus when I happen to see him (accurately, you it\'s hard not to notice him). The little boy was so compelling, first because he is a cute little boy: he had a scarlet hair, bright blue eyes of God, small round belly, with small freckles on the face through reveal the playful expression. Saw him smile you can\'t help but think, because he is so cute. He looks very much like 1960 \'s popular little protagonist in the television comedy the Andy Griffith Ou Pi. Forthe second the boy out of very large, when each of the other children to the classroom, Rickey, branch is to bounce to come to the classroom (in fact, he always bounce, looks like he likes this kind of move). He walked side to bounce, while loudly humming the theme song of Mister Rogers 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: Mr Rogers, United States famous children\'s TV show host fuleide·luojiesi (Fred Rogers), known as the United States father of the children\'s television. He hosted shows called the neighbourhood of Mr Rogers (Mister Rogers\'Neighborhood), was founded in 1965. Its moderator fuleide·luojiesi mature wisdom, is affable on the screen, their style is focused on the auspices emotional exchanges, enlightening children\'s hearts. He would often sing in the programme \"neighborhood a beautiful day. \"(We are all very familiar with the lyrics of the song\" neighborhood a beautiful day \", but obviously base will only sing in this sentence, so he repeatedly sings). His energy seems to be always out, always so excited.
When he came to see when I stood at the door of the classroom, he stopped, closed his mouth, realizing that the room would be his first year of the classroom. He looked at me, grinned, and probes into the classroom around. Obviously, I and the room through his check because he calmly turned and said to me: \"I will spend the best years of my life here. \"He then excitedly added:\" I want to learn to read this year! ”
Frankly, I like him. Rickey, branch of warm and deeply shocked me, and he has shown confidence also left a deep impression on me. You know, reading for Rickey, branch, 6 years old is no easy matter. I am a special education teacher, and Rickey, branch will come this class, is serious because the child\'s learning disabilities and attention deficit problems. Rickey, branch, no matter which one of the things you want to keep a few minutes of attention is very difficult, and even sometimes keep a few seconds of attention is a challenge for him. In fact, I\'ve taught in all children with special needs, Rickey, branch\'s attention is the shortest in duration.
After a few weeks of school, I found that Rickey, branch in the art corner area busy with paper cut many intentionally-pattern (this time about to
\"Those are very beautiful, Rickey, branch. \"I said to him, and I was curious to ask him,\" these are for who is going to do? ”
Rickey, branch proudly replied: \"this is to do for my mother. ”
\"This is your mother\'s birthday present? ”
\"No, no! \"He said shaking his head, and his expression told me that he is now in a good mood because I noticed he was doing his thing.
\"Well, can you tell me what kind of special occasions and this is to prepare it? ”
This scenario has been used for nearly 20 years, but until today I still clearly remember Rickey, branch of answer. He looked at me, smiling face, whispered: \"I will give her a card because she always makes me feel good. ”
With that, he himself continues to do he will give mother of special cards. It is clear that the boy loves his mother.
I can\'t wait to see you, see the mother. In my view, the mother in the field of family education attainments can be said to have a superb Vista 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: here is this lady walked on water of the original when it came to parenting. Walk on the water is an idiom, originated from the Bible, refers to \"Jesus on the line in the water without ups and downs\", meaning after the extension of a person as great and noble as God.. She is very appropriate to child rearing, and cultivate a Rickey, branch, a confident and happy children (in addition, she also allows children to feel good). I would like to know, what did the mother can make children loved her. I certainly hope to see her sooner, the better. Since then the next week, I had this dream of.
I arranged for a class field trip travel, need to be a parent to act as volunteer to assist me in organizing the activities. I first consulted the opinions of Rickey, branch mother, she agreed to help me. At the beginning of activities day, Rickey, branch\'s mother came to the classroom. It was not long before, I had to figure out how the mother makes children feel good about yourself. It is not difficult, not to mention mysteries. She\'s a very simple, and there\'s nothing new about.
Rickey, branch has been waiting at the door of the classroom dedicated to mother, before the mother found him, Rickey, branch had first seen her. Ran into the base saw mother in mother\'s arms. Rickey, branch is very eager to tell his mother what happened in his class. I must admit, when some confusion in the classroom, boys around, someone accidentally knocked a book cart, a box of paper fell to the ground, with paper shades. And also very noisy in the classroom, the laughter and chatter of conversation, and occurred with excitement screaming loud issued. But in this environment, Rickey, branch\'s mother still starting to use her \"tips\" to help the children feel good.
You might think that this is a very complex and lengthy process, please do not misunderstand! In fact, things are not the way you want. Rickey, branch and met his mother the whole process can take up no more than 2 minutes. At that time, Rickey, branch\'s mother didn\'t do anything, only Rickey, branch to keep what was said there. I was fascinated to see the mother-child, the following is what I see.
Mrs Anderson and Rickey, branch into the classroom, her knees squatted, and sat on the floor of the classroom with Rickey, branch. She looked at the base, eyes are so focused on her hands gently placed on the shoulders of Rickey, branch, so she has a close physical contact between the child and. She smiled, she listened. Obviously, she has all things ingenious ability to throw to one side, with all my heart to accompany the child (or at least she can make the child feel only he is the most important).
The mother immersed in their two-person in the world, Rickey, branch kept saying, Mrs Anderson focused listening. She showed a real interest for the kids, and noise and activities of others around them seemed not to bother them. Mrs Anderson occasionally respond to a few words, \"well, Oh, Oh\" or \"really do? \"Such a simple word or simply describe the feelings of children, such as\" you look very happy \",\" that will make you feel very proud. \"But the effect of this is very significant: base growth with healthy and happy.
In fact, Mrs Anderson\'s \"magic\" is very simple and clear: her attention on her only son, when the child when she will Be all ears. She did Rickey, branch will find himself in the eyes of the mother is very important. Mrs Anderson of this form of education is very simple and almost don\'t require little effort to do it, but it has a positive impact is extremely profound. On this day the rest of the time, Mrs Anderson to assist I have satisfactorily completed the familiarization trip. She was always smiling, friendly, cheerful, and she felt a lot of fun. Of course, she would often concern his own son. There is no doubt that Anderson his wife to the sincere concern of Rickey, branch makes the little boy that \"his mother always made him feel good. \"Mrs Anderson the secret education be lessons we can learn, and we can also, and their children when Exchange tries to use it.
What you can learn from this story?
Mrs Anderson to understand such a reason: that is, to let children feel is important for the parents of the most
Well one way is that when children talk to their parents when their inner thoughts, interests, or concerns, parents need to listen. People had to listen and is actually very simple: as long as the attention, not only to understand what children say, more important, is to go to when they speak of movements, facial expressions, to experience the feelings of the child. Of course, you may have a lot of services need to address in hand, but if you decide to go to the kids when the listener, to all the other things are left behind for the time being. This does not mean that you are about to a lengthy discussion and children, General time listening to the needs of approximately 3-5 minutes. You have to do is stop the work at hand, to really concentrate to listen. You might think that when Rickey, branch in school when Mrs Anderson would not have to look at him. In fact, any time, as long as she and Rickey, branch together, she not only with ears to hear, the most important thing is, she will work hard to listen to children. Attention, listening to the child has already become the mother of a habit.
Please think about, what else can help children develop a firm sense of self-identity and a positive sense of self do more important things? Put all the chores are behind him for a few minutes, to give their children all the attention, hard to listen to children talk, there are other ways to more effectively than do do express your concern for the child?
The real secret of mothers in your child\'s education is also reflected in it?
You are in the process of raising children, and whether you can properly and effectively use the basic of parenting secrets do? The issues listed below can help you conduct a self-evaluation. When you read these topics when serious, honest introspection. Because if you want to learn the parenting secrets, you must first identify the current insufficient of rearing children on their own, so that you can change them yourself. Write down your thoughts in your diary, you can always look to see that will help you to effectively understand the essence of parenting secrets.
1. in the above tells the story of, Rickey, branch \"could make him feel good\" such words to describe your mother. You feel that your child will know how to describe you? How they will evaluate your ability to listen to it (if you ever want to consult the views of the child? ）？
2. every day, you spent time carefully listening to children on telling a total of how many minutes do? Attention! Please don\'t put you and your child talk about household chores, homework, messy bedroom or leaving books is also taken into account. As long as to you real seriously listen children told he (she) concern or is order he (she) was excited of things of time plus up on can has, these he (she) concern or is order he (she) was excited of things can with \"personal affairs\" this word be general, including children inside of idea and feel, and he (she) fear and favorite of things, and he (she) of concerns, and wishes, and dream and he (she) made of results,. I hope you learn this secret after 3 weeks, this time to grow to twice the total times or 3 times.
3. assuming that you and your child recently several talks have video recorded down. Please put the video back, play again and again. This time you want to look at myself. Look at the time when your child to talk to you, what are you doing?
Your eyes are looking at child is away?
Do you have any assumption or did you try not to judge, but only to hear a child say it?
When children tell some important things when you can demonstrate to their children\'s emotional feelings for timely response to this?
You will ask questions to get information without trying to prove anything?
You will tell your child that you attach great importance to his (her) say, enjoyed listening to him (her) fun to say or whether you will make children feel you by other means to him (her) said was interested in it?
Did you hand in doing other things? Or whether you will be sympathetic to the feelings of the child and stop the job at hand?
Now please replace thinking about: If you are a child, would you advise that adults do to be heard in the video?
4. If indicated by a number from 1 to 10 of these ten 10 levels (1 represents the lowest 10 highest), you will evaluate your listening skills with digital a few? Why do you make this choice? A what kind of things you can do to improve your assessment level do?
5. What do you think you should do to make yourself into a more focused listening to it? Please write what you think of methods on the line. And then we started to learn the true mother of the third secret and use it to your family.
Four steps to Be all ears
Step one: stop doing other things. When a child wants to talk to you, or when a child needs your time, please hang up the phone, turn off the TV and computer, Italy continued to boil, do not leave it, you have to do is to give you all the attention with the children: turn and face the child, squatting lower body looked at him (her), and his (her) eyes parallel. When the child when you can nod occasionally, if you agree with the idea of children smile smile, body leaning forward slightly. Don\'t interrupt the child, and do not express your views, you can just hear it. Children will take your silence as a default attitude. In addition, you need to know the children have been most reluctant to hear is coming from parents advice.
Second: encourage children. For the children to feel that you are new to him (her) is interested in said content, you can repeat a few key words that you hear. Significance can also say one or two without a judge\'s term to encourage children to go on, such as \"eh? \"\" I understand. \"\" Really do? \"You can even use only\" well, and well. \"Back and forth children
Child. Or you can just repeat child said several phrases. For example:Kids: \"I can no longer put up with Josh on my side this year appears. ”
Adult: \"you can\'t put up with him in there by your side? ”
Kid: \"Yes! He too has hand. ”
The third step: agrees with the child\'s feelings. When you understand the when children feel, you can try to describe this feeling. For example, you can say: \"it looks like you\'re angry. \"\" You seem very upset. \"\" It sounds like you feel annoyed. \"\" Does not seem to be happy. \"These simple words can make children feel that you are really concerned about him (her), you are indeed in trying to understand his (her), but also make children feel you on his (her) says content is very interesting.
The fourth step: make guarantees. In the end of the conversation when your response can make children feel you on his (her) for their support and understanding. For example you can say \"hope that things can have a good result. \"\" It is very interesting indeed. \"\" I\'m sorry. \"\" If you need me, I\'m always free. \"\" I like that. \"At the same time to observe the child if there are other needs, such as some of the recommendations, a hug or a guarantee. Perhaps children will be more willing to share with you his (her) ideas and feelings, as he (she) knows you care about him (her), and are willing to pay for his (her) round-the-clock.
Real mother remind you what is your child will give you a few minutes?
In a nationwide survey conducted in 2005, to a 1000 young people under the age of respondents, they used \"a, b, c, sth\" letter grade to assess 24 classes of adult behavior. In Washington, Los Angeles, Chicago and three specialized organizations have made some young people to explain their findings. Surveys on young people with more than 35% in adults who do not listen, you cannot understand them very low ratings (from d to f). Your child will give you the ability to listen to a few minutes?
I\'m not from the book of learning how to listen, my son Adam who now I understand what to do. He was 2 years old when he taught me how to listen. Whenever, as long as we want to talk, he will use his little hands touching my chin, make my face to him, so that I can look at him. Obviously, Adam this is trying to tell me: he wanted all my attention. He wanted to know if I listened to him one of the methods is to see in my eyes is only looking at him. This is all the children want to know things, they want to know whether we are indeed listening to them talk, would like to know whether we are interested in what they say. Dedicated to listen by heart can more closely to the child\'s inner world.
If you want to really master these four steps, I suggest you practice only one or two steps per week (not too much). For example: in the first week of time, in practice only the first step--focused all its attention. The second week, in addition to continue to practice focused all its attention, you can also then went on to practice the next step--encourages children, and duplicate key statement said. In the third week and then went on to practice the fourth step. In this way, to the end of the time, you will not only master the upbringing of the third secret, and you in your everyday family life is also skilled at using it.
Real-MOM wisdom giving children a \"waiting time\"
Famous educators Mali·bade·luowei the study found that children need a \"wait time\". That is before the child answered, they need some time to think about the information they have just heard. So no matter what time, when when you want to ask a question or request, please keep in mind you must be at least 3 seconds thinking time to children, thinking they have heard of information. Upon reflection, children will learn more about the information, so that they are more likely to respond to you and give you a more comprehensive answer. Of course this also means that mothers in this within 3 seconds to patiently wait for, but also to show you all the attention to their children. If you want to know that your performance for 3 seconds, then your next question when children give yourself time, look at yourself and wait a few seconds later became impatient? Please extend your own \"wait time\".
Seven simple ways, encourage children to enjoy telling (so you can hear more content)
1. when children active, listening. Some children (particularly boys), when you do something active, they are more willing to tell. Therefore you to is good at found children by like of this class activities (for example fishing, and playing football, and play high 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 Translator Note: Le Gao (Lego), 1932 by Denmark Carpenter aoer·Ke Ke·kelisidiansen invention of a can mutual spell plug of plastic toys, and will\" Leg \"and\" Godt \"(Denmark language\" playing was good \") close in together, created has\" Lego \"(music high) this a brand. , Shooting, etc), and then talk about some of the topics in these activities with the children.
2. for conversation topics of interest to children. Please try to make conversation around the child\'s interest in this topic and expand. Such as her CD, his baseball card collection, her Strawberry Shortcake doll, or were soldiers of his collection of Tyrannosaurus. These may help parents to explore the living conditions of children.
3. talk to child sites. If you want to talk with children one-on-one, then please go to a place that children like to talk to: such as shopping malls, sports grounds, can play a number of practice swing the golf ball or ice cream cold drinks shop. In such a place, children may be more relaxed, easier to open up to you. Because in the eyes of children that was his (her) \"territory\", he (she) can be reckless.
4. questions to be specific. Children are often \"How can you have
What do? \"So bored hole problem. If you want to talk to the children that, so some of your questions should be as specific as possible, for example, you can ask: \"lunch, you sit next to who? \"\" Today the teacher read the story? \"\" What do PE today games? ”5. to ask enthusiasm can cause children to respond to the problem. In question, you need to use skill to avoid children with one or two words only perfunctory answers. For example, you can ask: \"How did you finish reading the book? \"\" What your performance in the competition and ever different? \"\" Do you think sth How about? ”
6. choose to listen to the best time and place. Study finds parents taking the children on their way to school or to participate in the activities, you can compare in-depth understanding of the child\'s life. Parents summarizes them hear or talk about some of the main topics: talk about school, 91% talk about 90% of the friends of the children, talking about values of 82%, talking about the extra-curricular activities of 81%, talking about the housework and 69%. See these data, please think about it: where do you and your children will talk about the topic? If you determine the proper time and place to talk with the children, then the conversation turned into a regular behavior, so you can learn more about children\'s lives, in-depth children\'s inner world.
7. make the use of family dinner time. As a child growing up day by day, sports activities, community gatherings, held in the Church and a variety of practice continue to appear in the children\'s music class schedule, these things go together we and our children to get along with most of the time. When we sit down and think, only to find we are free and children are the only dinner time. If your family\'s schedule is tight, you can consider temporarily put to one side, set aside one day a week dinner time. Don\'t let anything else interfere with your plans, you know the family dinner is a great chance that you and your child can have a good communication, you can show your full attention to their children, understanding children\'s living conditions.
You make your own commitment
1. Rickey, branch mentioned in the text before and he\'s mother Lady Anderson story did resonate with you? What did you get it? Have you wanted to apply the secrets in your family life? How to concentrate to listen attentively to to benefit the children do?
2. How will you use the four steps to achieve round-the-clock, was all ears to listen to children talk about? Please look over again in this section appear in those educational methods, guidelines, education skills and stories.
3. Please turn to page 61st, fill out the \"mother of commitment\", stating how over the next 21 days you will be told of the change to listen intently (writing a change).
Real mother what to do
Hang a \"do not disturb\" sign.
Ms in Nevada in the North of kalun·kelaidingsite is the mother of 3 girls. When she told me she talked to the girls will be disturbed, she was upset about this. Later, she came up with an idea, she bought a hotel near to the \"do not disturb\" sign. Any time later, when when you want to say a few words on her children, Karen and children come to her bedroom, bedroom doorknob hung up on the \"do not disturb\" sign. So she and the child can talk without any interference, and she can give ourselves one, all ears to listen to children talk. Clear by everyone in the House if the sign was hanging out, then in addition to the very urgent matters, no one can disturb them talk (if your child than smaller, you can talk to other family members at home when you start so that other members can help you look after a child, you can concentrate on talk).
Open the telephone answering machine.
California capital Sacramento maliya·shilaifo Lady 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 translator\'s Note: Ms maliya·shilaifo (Maria Shriver), first lady of California, former United States President Kennedy\'s niece. (Yes, you read that right, is the maliya·shilaifo Lady) in the Oprah · Oprah Winfrey 〖 ZW (〗 〖 HT5 \"f 〗 Twitter: Oprah · Oprah Winfrey (The Oprah Winfrey) is the most watched throughout the United States talk show host. In the talk show told her an education policy. I very much agree with her policy. Ms Sargent Shriver 8 points this time 6 o\'clock every night to as the \"free phone time.\" In this period, she and her family would often have dinner, we share each day\'s harvest, and feelings. She will think nothing can other family members about more important things than they have. Of course, within this time period may also be someone to call, but Ms Sargent Shriver opens automated telephone answering machines. In your family, you can also set a time period to ensure that you can concentrate to listen to children talk.
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